With a Gossip Girl reboot in the works, and a pandemic reason to sit at home watching 6 seasons of television, there’s no better time to get reacquainted with the characters of the original show. A formative and canonical text for New Yorkers who were teenagers in the aughts, the show remains a time capsule of fashion and fraught ideas about consent. Taken with a grain of salt, original Gossip Girl is a teen soap opera lush with designer labels. Woefully bereft of non-white and non-straight characters, Gossip Girl begs to be updated and overhauled.
Good thing then that the reboot promises to be more diverse. In addition to featuring a cast made up of Black and Latina actors, as well as openly queer actors, the remake’s and original show‘s writer and executive producer Joshua Safran said this of the forthcoming series: “There was not a lot of representation the first time around on the show. I was the only gay writer, I think, the entire time I was there. Even when I went to private school in New York in the ’90s, the school didn’t necessarily reflect what was on Gossip Girl. So, this time around the leads are nonwhite. There’s a lot of queer content on this show. It is very much dealing with the way the world looks now, where wealth and privilege come from, and how you handle that.”
While we wait for that change to come (the show, which will air on the forthcoming streaming service HBO Max, has no release date yet), we might as well speculate on the content that we’ve got! Ahead, the original Gossip Girl characters by what I imagine are their zodiac signs.
Blair | Libra
Blair’s birthday is one of the few birthdays we see celebrated on the show, which lasts six seasons. It usually takes place in the early fall, just after school begins, and involves a ball. Of all the fall signs Blair can be, Libra feels the most natural and in line with her priorities. Blair is a consummate Libra in many ways. She is an aesthete and an intellectual. She values ideas, luxury, and social networking. Marriage and partnership are integral parts of Blair’s story.
She is never really Blair, alone. She is always Blair in relationship to Serena, Chuck, Dan, the prince, and Chuck again. Blair, like most Libras, has a hard time not having back-up lovers lined up and keeps exes closer than family. Unlike Scorpio, who holds grudges and lies in wait, or Sagittarius who forgives and forgets, Libra Blair prefers to mete out payback fairly and squarely. You hurt her, she hurts you socially (blackballing, ostracizing), and then she’s over it and ready for her next party which you’re welcome to attend.
Serena | Leo
Honestly, no one makes better frenemies than a Leo and a Libra, which is one of many reasons that Serena is certainly the Leo to Blair’s Libra. Serena is, in fact, the show‘s golden child. Her messy distinctive mane, her easy claim to attention, her effortless charisma. Serena doesn’t have to work for attention; in fact, she spends most of Gossip Girl’s six seasons pouting about her desire to be left alone. Well, pouting about it until she’s faced with a lack of adulation, and then… watch out. Serena ne her ex Dan pining over her, and she ne her cousin Lola to WANT to be an “It girl” but not so much that she eclipses Serena. When pushed, Serena is ready to make anyone sorry they ever stepped into her light. Serena, like most Leos, rarely apologizes but often forgives in exchange for a little sweetness. She has a big ego but an even bigger heart.
Nate | Sagittarius
Nate’s birthday, that we do see on the show, is in early winter, and it’s most likely that Nate is a Sagittarius. There’s something pony-like about Nate, something swift and constantly moving. He’s charming, like most fire signs are, but he doesn’t take up space and he’s not interested in aggressive tactics. Nate, like all Sagittarians, reveres truth. But, because he can’t help it, he often dates women who are very pretty liars. So, he’s constantly running away from relationships that haven’t earned his trust or commitment. While everyone else on the show can’t help but go back to old lovers, Nate grows up to move on. He admires people who work hard to become who they are, like Lola and like Raina Thorpe, and he finds a way to connect with all of them despite being from “different worlds.” Nate, best friend aside, is probably GG’s best-behaved male character.
Chuck | Virgo
Chuck is probably the most difficult person to watch on Gossip Girl, especially if you’re an adult viewer with a good sense of what predatory behavior looks like. Chuck, as a teenager, is a deeply wounded character who spends his time exerting his pain and rage onto women around him. But, Chuck commits himself to growth, to therapy, to a dog, and to Blair. He wants to grow, and he doesn’t thrive in solitude. When he has a task in the world, when he is in service to his loved ones, he thrives. For this reason, and for his devotion to color-coordinated bowties and handkerchiefs, Chuck is our Gossip Girl Virgo. I know you want him to be a Capricorn, and maybe he has a Cap Venus, but he’s honestly not industrious enough to be a Cap Sun, and he doesn’t know how to focus on his goals. Mutable, Chuck relies more on interpersonal esteem than what he accomplishes. He is incredibly perceptive and has photographic attention to detail. True Virgo qualities.
Dan | Taurus
Although this show is called Gossip Girl, it could just as easily be called Lonely Boy. Dan takes up a lot of space on GG, as both a participant and an observer. The veritable Holden Caulfield of the bunch, Dan spends his free time calling everyone else phonies and then feeling left out. He is, by his own estimation, mister integrity, and it is his very belief in his moral high ground that helps him slip-slide into harmful self-indulgent behavior. Like, writing badly about his dopey father in published work, for instance (a Cancer man who will probably never truly forgive him). Dan is Blair’s Venusian companion. As the Taurus and Libra of GG, they share a love of fine art, canonical and refined literature, salons that exclude their less intellectual friends. As the Taurus and Libra of GG, they are also a clear example of a couple where one (the Taurus) righteously refuses to let go, and the other (Libra) strings them along passively because they’re bored.
Vanessa | Aquarius
Vanessa, Dan’s best friend from childhood, is an early Gossip Girl staple. She materializes out of the air, refusing to offer up any back story (where is her family? Why does she never return?), and offers our wayward crew a message from on-high. Vanessa doesn’t fit in and doesn’t want to. She’s, like, different, and she only likes people who are different too. That’s why Vanessa is an Aquarius, and why she and Dan get along so well. Until he starts getting sucked into the Upper East Side world, that is, and then Vanessa is happy to give him plenty of reality checks. Vanessa has big feelings, for Dan and his family, for her writing and Dan’s too, but she is rarely seen actually feeling them. Instead, she weaves in and out of large society gatherings, assessing the situation and confirming for herself what she already knows — she doesn’t want to belong, and she doesn’t want anyone she respects to belong there either.
Jenny | Aries
Jenny has an early spring birthday on Gossip Girl and is most likely our Aries. There’s something forever young about Jenny, even when she grows up. It makes her aggressive sexual overtures (her pursuit of Nate, for example) that much more uneasy and the sexual harm she endures from Chuck, that much more difficult to watch. Jenny hates boundaries she hasn’t made for herself, and she sure as hell isn’t gonna take your advice on how to make them. She thinks on her feet and rarely thinks twice. Despite her less-affluent position, Jenny is a striver, and when she sees what she wants, she goes after it. Even if it means stealing a one-of-a-kind designer dress from a friend’s mother‘s closet so she can refashion it to fit her. Jenny, like most Aries, is not likely to apologize with any conviction, but she is likely to burn down her all social bridges and make a whole new life from scratch.
Eric | Pisces
Excuse me, but I have this theory that most Pisces boys have the capacity to be gay but only some succeed. Eric, Serena’s brother and our Pisces, is the emotional vector for much of Gossip Girl’s early seasons. It is Eric who Serena returns for, Eric who reunites Blair and Serena, and Eric who is the only person Jenny trusts. Eric feels everything, too deeply it seems, and is prone to self-harm. He knows what lies in everyone’s hearts because he is observant, compassionate, and likes to stir up drama without ever being perceived as a part of it. And, like most Pisces, Eric is easily manipulated by men who don’t know what they want and ones who sell drugs.
Ivy | Scorpio
Ivy, a character that proves central to Gossip Girl in the later seasons, is a hard one to pin down. She’s a con-artist, sure, but she’s also deeply emotionally astute. Authentic even when acting the part, she can’t lie unless she believes it. She, more than all other Gossip Girl characters, sets up the dominoes and plays the long game. This, more than anything else, makes her our Scorpio. Like any Scorpio that’s been hurt, there’s something unhinged about Ivy, something born of a past marked by abandonment and scarcity, that moves her to manipulate others as a form of not only self-protection but self-righteousness. Still, she can’t help but offer everything up to the people she cons — falling for the van der Woodsens, Dan, and his father in turn. Love and betrayal live inside Ivy as one impulse.
Georgina is the chaos demon of Gossip Girl, and Geminis everywhere have earned the right to collect their chaos demons when and where they arise. It’s not that one HAS to be a Gemini to be a chaos demon, it’s just that one is more likely to be good at it. And, Georgina is good at it. Not because she’s methodical like Chuck or exacting like Blair, or because she’s a master manipulator like Ivy. Georgina is good at making trouble because she’s not invested in the outcomes of her schemes. Armed with the information she’s collected through intercepted communiques, wild hunches, and educated guesses, Georgina is a Mercury-ruled powerhouse, and it’s no surprise that Gossip Girl enlists her to keep up the site while she’s on hiatus. Eventually, even running GG’s site proves burdensome and boring for Georgina, who prefers face-to-face conflict that requires at least one costume change. Among the royalty of the Upper East Side, she’s just a girl, and girls just want to have fun.
Lily | Cancer
Lily van der Woodsen is the only parent I’m choosing to help represent one of 12 signs because she’s pretty much the only parent whose life and life choices are as dramatic as the youth on the show. Lily is a great example of Cancer mom who probably has her Sun in the 12th house or occulted by Pluto. Like most Cancer women, she has lived many different lives before she settled into being the rich wife of an artsy dude, including but not limited to being a rock band groupie and the mistress of a ruthless billionaire. Lily cares about everyone, even Chuck, but not more than she cares about protecting what she deems hers. Lily never forgets a slight or a betrayal, not from Georgina, not from Ivy, not from Rufus, and not from her own sister. But, unlike a Scorpio, Cancerian Lily isn’t interested in payback. When you hurt her, you don’t exist to her. And if you need her help, then you’re shit out of luck.
Diane | Capricorn
Diane is the only woman on the show who has an affair with a younger man. Diane is not a parent on the show, but she pretends to be, which is enough to make her our Capricorn. More so, when she’s not putting on an act as Chuck’s long-lost mom, she’s playing the very believable role of Nate’s daddy. In real life, Elizabeth Hurley’s bio touts her as an English businesswoman, and this aspect of the actress shines through when she plays the part of Diane. There’s just something about those business casual dresses and dirty business high heels, about the way she winks at Nate like he’s a good boy who she is happy to reward later — when he finishes his assignments for the day.